Written from a safe vantage point in my lovely glass house
Before you read this, read this.
Five Things I Hate About Women:
1. We're catty. All of us, no exceptions. No matter how nice and sweet and cute we are on the surface, underneath there is a raging bitch just waiting for you to turn your back so she can tear you apart with her razor claws.
2. We're ridiculously jealous. Don't believe me? Go outside. For every pretty woman you see walking down the street, there are three petty ones shooting death rays in her direction.
3. We're manipulative. David says I always get my way with these sneaky little tricks, like changing our plans five minutes in advance so he doesn't have time to argue, or guilt-tripping him into doing things for me. I just make eyes at him and say "but honey..." and he's done.
4. We never stop talking. Apparently it gets annoying. I don't see it.
5. I wanted there to be five points, but I couldn't think of the fifth, so I asked David for help. He said girls are stubborn, and I said "I'm not!", and he said "See, you're too stubborn to admit you're stubborn." And really, I'm too tired to argue with that logic.
Five Things I Hate About Women:
1. We're catty. All of us, no exceptions. No matter how nice and sweet and cute we are on the surface, underneath there is a raging bitch just waiting for you to turn your back so she can tear you apart with her razor claws.
2. We're ridiculously jealous. Don't believe me? Go outside. For every pretty woman you see walking down the street, there are three petty ones shooting death rays in her direction.
3. We're manipulative. David says I always get my way with these sneaky little tricks, like changing our plans five minutes in advance so he doesn't have time to argue, or guilt-tripping him into doing things for me. I just make eyes at him and say "but honey..." and he's done.
4. We never stop talking. Apparently it gets annoying. I don't see it.
5. I wanted there to be five points, but I couldn't think of the fifth, so I asked David for help. He said girls are stubborn, and I said "I'm not!", and he said "See, you're too stubborn to admit you're stubborn." And really, I'm too tired to argue with that logic.
posted by Sarah at 8/04/2005 10:02:00 PM
11 Comments:
I think you have completely lost touch with yourself and other women.
nothing i am about to say is going to make me look any less like a hypocrite...and honestly, im not sure if it will make any sort of sense. we'll see.
i agree with everything in both your post, and in that article. i do not have an excessive amount of female friends for these specific reasons, and, quite frankly i don't think i could handle hanging out with a shitload of girls that are, in essence, like myself. i am selfish, i am catty, i am jealous and manipulative. and stubborn. i know that there are extremes to both ends of that spectrum, and i guess that keeps it "fresh" and "interesting". who the fuck knows.
that article was very interesting to read, and although i am reluctant to believe statistics from a "study", i have to say i wouldn't doubt an ounce of it. i faked almost every last orgasm in my two year, four month marriage. another guy didn't knock me up, but my ex-husband did - i found out just before i found out he was cheating on me. he never knew, and i was going to have an abortion, but nature stepped in. i guess i was kind of lucky in that sense. most people would say all of that shit is the reason i can be such a bitch sometimes...but it's not. the reason is simpler than that.
i'm a girl, and that is the way society shapes us these days. some girls are better at handling it from a social standpoint, others think its okay to bare their fangs in public. there is no doubt in my mind that being a "lady" is a lost art these days. it is sad, and i wish i could have more girlfriends...but the truth is, gay men are so much easier to stomach. so much less maintenance....and so much more respectful than other girls.
herein ends my incoherent rant.
My server is so much of a wuss to let me read the article, but yeah, i'm guilty of all 5.
My server is so much of a wuss to let me read the article, but yeah, i'm guilty of all 5.
John, absolutely no explanation for your claim against these statistics and confessions from these women?! That's not like you at all.
Well John says we oppress women but apparently he is in to letting them know what their feelings about their own sex should or should not be.
where's the article on the statistical flaws of men?
It's really short, it only says "Didn't do enough to help women overcome their flaws".
Heather,
I'm pretty feminized (the wimpy pre-professor type who likes to bake cookies), but I'm sitting here reading this list and losing count of how many these categories of lying I fall under. There are the obvious ones that don't apply, like faking orgasms (heh...), but I'm Polish. Which means I'd also sleep with a celebrity and then tell all about it for $25 grand. Not even 25 pounds sterling. I mean, I'd hold out for a book deal first, but I'd take whatever I could get. I don't think the people making these questions realized how much beer money that is to a university student.
After all, it's no skin off of my rear!
When it comes right down to it, men are evil and women are evil. The only difference is that these things manifest themselves differently.
John: Why do you insist on taking everything so seriously? I know you mean well, but it's kind of arrogant of you to suggest that I've completely lost touch with myself and other women. That's a hefty statement coming from someone who doesn't actually know me. Also, don't speak for other women, unless you are one (are you? in that case, you're forgiven, but we have some other things to discuss.)
Heather: I think I'm going to start enforcing a "no drinking and commenting" law. ;)
Pammu: Thanks for backing me up. (see, John?)
Jarrett: Good point. In all seriousness, I feel the same way as you. I was just having fun with this post, but apparently some people don't like to have fun with stereotypes. "Fun with Stereotypes"... that would be an excellent kid's tv show, no?
Heh... If we're gonna get into kids' shows, I think Current Affairs for Kids (as immortalized by John Morgan) would be the cheese. Can you imagine it?
"What's been in the news? Well, the Democrats claim that Bush is "1000x worse than Hitler." Who WAS Hitler? Well, that's our topic for today!"
If you're interested in blatantly offensive stereotypes for fun, how about this?
My personal favorites:
"It's reported that Canadians keep pet French people. If true, this is their only interesting trait. At any rate, they are apparently able to train Frenchmen to play hockey, which is more than any European has ever been able to do."
"An Anecdote Illustrating Something of the Irish Character:
There once was an Irishman who got so drunk while he was in Rome that he kissed his wife and beat the Pope's foot to a pulp with a coal shovel."
"[Poland is] ... A nation known as the Rudimental Reading Class of Europe. Its citizens are turkey-loaf look-alikes descended from a barbarian horde that took a wrong turn on its way to sack Rome. They spent the Middle Ages trying to fight Vikings on horseback and invented breech-loading artillery by pointing their cannons the wrong way around. They didn't know about sexual intercourse until the tenth century, having previously reproduced by raiding warthog litters."
Heh. Or in the areas that border with the barbarous Ukranians, they didn't discover intercourse until Stalin left them with nothing to do in the famine of '32. I know because my grandfather was from Pzemysl :P
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